Happy Mother's Day!

Hi all!  Today, in honor of Mother's Day, MOM will be writing the blog!  This post is dedicated to all of those ladies whose path to motherhood didn't come easily. 

My heart is really full this time of year, when thoughts turn to our Moms, and being Mom's.   Or in my case, FINALLY being a Mom.   I'll admit, Mother's Day used to be somewhat of a darker day at my house.   In the early years of our marriage it wasn't as hard.  Year after year of watching the little ones sing "Mother, I Love You..." in church finally wore me down into a blubbering mess, so I ultimately gave myself permission to skip church every Mother's Day.  

Fast forward to one year ago, and here comes Jack!  He was 2 months old for my first Mother's Day, and nobody was a happier mother than I was that day.   I still didn't feel quite like a legit Mom yet, but I was coming to rightfully collect that flower after church, thank you very much!  No more pity flowers for me!  We had worked extremely hard to get Jack to our family- something I don't think that others really understand.   When I hear people say "..maybe we'll just adopt?" I kind of snicker internally.  There's no "just" about it.  It's a painstaking, laborious, lennnnnnnngthy process that separates the men from the boys (so to speak).  You have to really want it.   Really really really want it.  Corporate mergers have less paperwork. You put a microscope on your marriage, finances, family life, successes, failures, etc. for others to take a good look, and ultimately deem you fit.   And that's before you even start talking to potential birthparents!    Hard, yes.   Very hard.   But nobody wanted it more than me.   Of one thing I knew for sure:  I would be a great Mom.    And Daron could possibly be a great Dad.   (Just kidding! Humor break!)   Daron is a fantastic Dad.

I want to talk about Kelli for a moment.   She and I don't talk every day like we used to, but I love her more than I ever have. I'm tearing up just typing this!  She's moving on with life and happiness like I wanted her to, so talking everyday just isn't natural anymore, nor should it be.  Her life is changing.  Doesn't change how I feel about her.  I know that she loves Jack, and after a year of loving him too, I'm understanding her (and Jesse's) sacrifice more and more.  I think of a life without Jack, and it just isn't conceivable.  There are no words to express the depth of love that I have for that boy.  I look at him, and he represents complete and utter fulfillment for me.  I have been overly tired and momentarily stressed, but never for one moment have I taken him for granted.  I will never forget what someone else gave up so that I could have him.  I finally understand motherly love, and wanting so much for someone.  Kelli is one of the most selfless, loving people I know.  I love her and admire her greatly- I hope she knows this.  I'm not sure I would have had the strength to do what she did.  It's humbling to know that I owe my complete happiness to one amazing girl.  An amazing girl that wanted more for her child.  That's a debt that I won't ever be able to repay. 

Last Mother's Day was about gloating and triumph over heartbreak.   This Mother's Day is about humility and perspective.    I GET IT NOW.   I know what's it like to love someone fiercely.  I now know the constant and persistent pull of worry that mothers carry around like a permanent accessory.  I know that daze of wonderment when you realize you'd rather watch them play or sleep than any other non-mom activity.   Productivity around here has certainly suffered, but I just don't care about some things any more.   I choose playing trucks and watching Pound Puppies over laundry.   Easy choice, really.

So Happy Mother's Day everyone! Go hug your kids and collect that flower!   And thank your Heavenly Father for the wonderful gift of being a Mom.  And thank your husband for that nap you'll get later today.  (fingers crossed!) 

Love,

Elisa

P.S.  Don't for a minute think that the wonderful gift of Jack eliminated the need for a Mother's Day pedicure yesterday.